So, you want to sell a product?

Sell ANYTHING like a pro. Like a leader of key opinions!

Oh, that? You want to sell that? Hmm, that’s tough. Lots to consider. Thankfully, I’m an expert. Actually, I’m a thought leader. Here’s what you need to do.

USP

Your unoriginal selling point needs to drive everything. Everyone’s selling this shit so don’t waste your time differentiating. Just tell people you have it. Tell them you’ve got loads of it. Unlimited supply. Tons! No one really cares what’s better than what anyway. You have it. Now. In your bloody hands! Have those shit-munchers out there got it? NO. Idiots. You’re winning. You got this.

You

Speaking of you, that’s something you need to focus on. Brand is all about you. It’s about what you have, what you can do, what you’re proud of, excited for and passionate about. It’s up to you to tell those plebs out there about you and what else you have. Don’t be distracted. You, your sales, your profits  –  that’s what matters here.

Language

And your language defines you and your stuff. It’s absolutely key to focus on the stuff your product does. Give people a list. People fucking love a list. If it’s a list that needs its own appendix, even better! Makes you look like you know what you’re talking about. Appendices. Love ‘em.

Keep your language formal, distant and third-person where possible. You’re not one of those touchy-feely millennial bloggers, for fuck’s sake You’re a professional. You speak to professionals. Serious people speak about themselves in the third person. Passive is powerful. Trent knows.

Oh, and key phrases. Don’t forget the key phrases. If you want to do business, you need to talk business. Big business customers are more like bots: they respond to key phrases like “solution”, “innovative”, “ground-breaking” and “paradigm-shifting”. You want to sound like you know what you’re talking about right? Don’t want to be caught out? USE THE BLOODY PHRASES!

Upsell

Most importantly, always get people to buy more things. They’re here, now, reading about the things your product does. They’re probably sliding off their seats in excitement at the synergistic solutions it’s going to provide. Now, whack ’em with an upsell, or a cross-sell or just anything else. A promotion! It doesn’t matter what it is  –  you define what’s important to them. You tell them what else they need. They’re here for you and your stuff. They want YOU.

Deets

Oh, yeah, and you may as well get all the details you can from these chumps. Paywall or gate everything. Subs are king. Make sure you snaffle up all personal details, no matter how trivial. Reel in everything from maiden name to blood type. Everyone’s a hippy these days, always on about open access, so they’re happy to share their work and mobile numbers, home address, last four digits of their credit card  –  you name it. Get it all. Bash it in a database. Boom. Easy money from spam emails. People can’t open those things up quick enough. GDPR can eat my shit.

Right, well, there you go. That’s about as much thought leadership as I can dispense in this bilateral. Feel free to sign up to my newsletter for exclusive content and solutions about my innovative platform and synergistic integration approaches. It’ll be great to surface more. Josh’ll ping my invoice over in the morning.

Best wishes,

Trent

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