How to hire a science writer
So, you’ve got words to write? Words about science? Hmm, tricky business that science. You need a word nerd.
Yeah, you need a proper boffin – one of those Science Writers. Never fear: we can help. Here’s the best way to go about hiring one of those Science Writer boffins.
Experience
You definitely want to make sure they know what they’re doing, so ask that they have at least a PhD – ideally with a few publications! A post-doc is best. You don’t want any old shit muncher. Anything less than doctorate and I’d be surprised if they know anything at all! Oh, and get someone with at least three years doing the job you want them to do. So, about a decade of extra educational experience, 2–5 years already doing the job you want them to do to prove they can already do the job they’ve been doing. Perfect.
Enthusiasm
Pick the right words for you job ad to lure those smartypants right in. They can be a bit boring and serious so tell them that the job requires them to be “passionate” about the industry : Pharma, biotech, lab stuff, whatever, ust throw whatever your sciency thing in there.
Oh, and add something about them actually liking to write stuff. I mean, really liking to stuff. Tell them they’ll be in a fast paced environment and you’re like a family. And if you can squeeze in something about writing or comms being “in their DNA” that’s a guaranteed win! Those scientists love that DNA.
Being a human
Plenty of these Science Writer types are super introverted and generally pretty crap at talking to people. My cousin’s wife’s mate, Sharon, knows this scientist and, apparently, she’s never even spoken to another human – not once! Not even at the lab meetings she had to give, or the lectures, or teaching classes, or the poster presentations, or her viva. Not a word! So you don’t want one of those weirdos.
Make sure the job lists the essential human skills like “working in a team” or “excellent interpersonal skills” or “building relationships”. If you don’t specify, you won’t get them.
And don’t forget things like doing their job sensibly, but spin it a little: say you need them to “demonstrate strong time management and organisational abilities”. These scientists, I tell ya, they’ve never had to manage anything beyond sponging off their student grants, or loans, or whatever they get from us honest taxpayers! Long-term science projects are just doing as you’re told for years on end. No actual planning required. Don’t let ’em fool ya!
Job specifics
They’ll be happy to just be writing the sciency words for you. No need to go into too much detail here. Just tell them it’ll be articles, blogs, web pages, and, erm, whatever other synonyms for “article” you can think of. Like I said, they’re just happy to be sat in front of the computer, writing whatever. They’re basically like house plants – quiet and easy to maintain. Although, actually, you might need to sprinkle in some more skills in a job ad, like “attention to detail” and “ability to assimilate information”. You know, just in case. That should cover it.
Compensation
Here’s the great thing: you really haven’t got to pay them much at all! No one does, and so, neither do you! You see, when they’re doing that PhD thing you want them to have, they get something like £12–15k a year! Yeah, I know! It’s crazy! But they love it. They don’t even like money or living in a sensibly-sized apartment — they just want to be in their lab coats doing something or other with pipettes.
So, for a PhD grad with a few years of experience, you can start at around £20k. They’ll be proper excited by those. If you’re in London, you might need to stretch to £22k. Those six-person houseshares can be pricey in the capital!
You can weave in things like “flexible working”, “great environment” and “paid holiday” as benefits because they’ve probably never had those things before.
Oh and pension! If you offer a pension drop that salary down by two grand as they’ve probably never even of heard of that.
There you have it! Your incredibly well-educated and experienced, but low-cost, Science Writers will be flocking to send their CVs, cover letters, references, 1,000 word example articles and portfolios of other work to you in no time!
Ted’ll send over our consultation invoice in the morning.
At a loss for words? Don’t worry, I’ve got plenty.
Give me a shout